Years of abuse have taught me I cannot talk to anyone. Years of abuse have taught me that we I reach out to people to talk and they ghost me, that means that I am bothering them, annoying them which is why no one wants to talk. Being in an abusive relationship, is no relationship. When I turn to someone because I need to talk, I am weak and I need someone to be my rock, being ghosted and ignored just drags up all those unwanted feelings. It never feels good. Hell, even my own parents ignore me. They ask me a question, I go to answer, they just interrupt and ignore me. Nice, isn’t?
I’m not saying that I have to talk to someone all the time. I am perfectly happy and content being alone. I do love my alone time, which is why I do want a life outside of a relationship. When talking and needing someone, how much is too much? How do you deal with being ghosted? Is it a big deal?
I’m beginning to think that it is just me; maybe because I have had no one there for me that I am now in the adolescent stages of learning about all this. It truly does make me feel stupid, but at the same time, I cannot beat myself about it too much. I wasn’t fortunate enough to have the experiences to learn from.
Relationships, even intimate relationships are all new to me. I have no idea what I am doing, and I am trying to learn as quickly as I can. Reading articles online doesn’t seem to be helping because I am more confused than ever.
I shouldn’t be stressing on it, its not necessary. Instead of going to him for everything, I should just write in my journal. I feel better when I do, I don’t have to worry about putting my emotions out there to be rejected. Plus, there are a lot of things I just doing want to tell anybody. The journal is better in a lot of ways, and I need to implement that.