Most of the experiences with my ex’s I do not remember. I either blocked it out on my own free will, or it is that the events were so traumatic that I will never remember. I will share with you what I remember.
The Disneyland Boyfriend…
In my previous post we left off with a guy I met while I was working at Disneyland. At first he was nice but that didn’t last long. He started to tear me down just about from the get go. First thing was about my tattoos. He made sure to mention how I wasn’t feminine because I had tattoos. He hated girls with tattoos. I never bothered to ask him why the hell was he dating me then. I just sat there and took it. It started out with more little things leading to big things.
He hated the way that I dressed. He tore me down for wearing jeans, sneakers, and t-shirts. He said I didn’t dress feminine and I need to be wearing formal, fancy clothes. I’m talking skirts, jewelry, dress shirt, nylons, and heals. I had to dress conservative 24/7. He would never, and I mean never take me out anywhere. In fact, the only time we saw each other was if I went out to where he lived which was over thirty miles away. I was not allowed to have any kind of life outside of him, his life, our ‘relationship’. I wasn’t allowed to have any friends. His friends were my friends. He made sure to control me as much as he possibly could. I wasn’t allowed to go to college, and I wasn’t allowed to have a career.
He tore me down all the time about me being taller than him. He even told me that I had to figure out how to not being taller than him. He was embarrassed by me. So, I slouched so I would be shorter than him. To this day, I still slouch. I have never been able to walk tall and proud. One day he sent me an email calling me a white trash whore. That was it. I didn’t talk to him until he tried to get in touch with me several times. I ignored most of his emails. The last email I received from him was in the year 2001. He wanted me to go to his graduation from CSUF. I declined. That was the last time I heard from him.
I survived him and I will never be sorry for that.
The Baby Daddy
The entire time I was single. That was until I met the baby daddy. I will not go into much detail about this person because I have blocked out most of what happened. I was told by a counselor its because the events were traumatic, and there is chance that I may never remember those events. There are however, there are some that I remember that I will talk about.
The baby daddy was a full blown alcoholic. It was something I’d come to observe when I was deep in the relationship. I was already isolated from my family and friends. I had no life outside of the relationship. No life of my own. My life revolved around him. I had to be with him on my days off, staying the entire weekend. He kept me in my house waiting, waiting for what I have no clue.
I know he would start fights with me constantly. He’d get drunk and accuse me of cheating on him. I wasn’t even having sex with him. He had to force me to have sex with him. Somewhere along the way, I got pregnant. When I went to the doctor and they told me the date of conception, I have hated Valentines Day ever since. Not because that was the day I got pregnant, but because that was the day I will always remember he raped me. Now, let me make it clear that I love my son very much. When I see him I do not think about how I got pregnant with him and I sure as hell will never tell him. He is my joy and I am so happy for him. He’s the best.
When I was six months pregnant he started a fight with me. We grabbed my arm, forcing me up out of the chair I was sitting in. He opened the front door, and shoved me out the door and was about to throw me down a flight of stairs. I fought back and pushed my way back off the edge of the top step. I managed to get back inside the apartment to grab my purse and car keys. Under the protection of my dad, I was able to end the relationship. So I thought.
Once my son was born my ex just used the courts to continue the abuse on me. Child exchanges were the worst. My son had an overfull diaper, dirty clothes, and wasn’t fed. Every weekend was nerve racking because my ex always threatened to kidnap my son and head down to Mexico and I’ll never see him again. He always threatened this because he never got his way with visitations, he didn’t want to pay child support, custody, etc. A few exchanges he got violent with me several times in front of my son. As usual the police did nothing but just document.
One weekend I had to drive all the way the Newbury Park in order to pick up Benjamin because my ex supposedly hit his head at the bottom of the pool. I took me almost four and a half hours to get home. That was worst and I made sure to let the court know because our agreement does not state I have to drive to his new girlfriends house in Newbury Park and drive to Pasadena to get my son. The judge put an end to that quickly because it was a major financial strain on me. One Sunday I had driven out the exchange place four times, four times he was a no show and wasn’t answering his phone. It was now 5pm, 5 hours past the exchange the time. I called the police and the police finally got a hold of him and that’s when he finally met me at the exchange spot. I told my ex he needed to give me gas money for this because me driving out there four times for him to be a no show is ridiculous and put me now in a financial bind. During this exchange my ex grabbed me by my hair, pulled my hair back and tried to shove a twenty dollar bill into my mouth. I continuously spit it back out while fighting to get away from him. My son was by the car crying, witness this while people who were in the parking lot were calling the police and one person was running up to stop as my ex stopped his attack on me and ran off.
I went to court to get a restraining order and was denied. As usual. Police didn’t do anything and the court didn’t do anything. It’s a joke. It’s all a joke when you’re a victim of domestic violence and you’re on your own.
Then there was a major development. My son me that my ex hits him in the face and how. I took my son to a child psychologist about this. The psychologist told me that my son is being physically and mentally abused by my ex and she had to call CPS (Child Protection Services). My ex was fully investigated over a period of years. I witnessed first hand how my ex threatened to throw my son into a pool of water and let him drown if he didn’t stop crying. I told CPS immediately what I witnessed and my son told CPS the same thing.
After getting sick and tired of my ex and his abusive ways toward myself and most importantly my son, I hired a lawyer. I gave the lawyer all the recordings my ex left from my answering machine, and cell phone. In those voice messages my ex threatened my life, my son’s life, he threatened that his father who is city manager of San Jacinto will make sure I get my son taken away, etc. I mentioned to the lawyer that my ex refused to feed my son on the visitation he had with him recently, and an accounting of what my now almost five year old son told me what happened that day during visitation. The lawyer made sure that I got sole custody and that my ex only got visitation, one day a month for three hours. My ex never showed up to mediation and never showed up to the court hearing. I never heard from my ex again.
The Meth Addict Ex-Husband
You can read all about him in Enough is Enough