Letting my Guard Down..

I decided as part of my new life that I would step out of my shell and attend some of the run clubs that were going on in Los Angeles. Go out and make some new friends who had some common interests as I did. I got attached to one in particular. The atmosphere was great, and the people were good. It got to the point where I was becoming more involved in the run club itself. I was a pacer. I couldn’t believe. I starting out pacing the 11-12 minute mile. Then in a couple months I started pacing the 9 – 10 minute group. During the first mile I was running with the 7 – 8 minute group.

I was feeling proud of myself as I was becoming a strong, faster runner. That was slowly diminishing as people I thought were ‘friends’ started to talk behind my back. Every single year before the Los Angeles Marathon I received discouraging messages in my DM’s, messages that were filled with hatred, and even rude comments on my photos. I was honored because the Los Angeles Marathon put me in Corral B one year. Every year, the same two people started in on me. They told me that I should start in the back. They told me how slow I am, that I will never make it to the finish line. The wall is no joke. I don’t deserve to be that corral. I shouldn’t be running marathons because I’m not fast like they are.

Once President Trump was elected into office, I gave my opinion that we all needed to come together. People needed to stop saying that President Trump was not their President. They live in the United States, he’s their President. I honestly did not want to hear that they were crying all night, they are depressed, etc. Who cares? Suck it up buttercup and move on. It was just adding more stupid ass drama on top of the drama I receive on a regular basis from runners who are supposedly “positive” and supportive” of “everyone in the running community”. I snapped. Enough is enough with the psycho drama bullshit.

I was in tears, and I cried. Mainly, I was mad at myself for letting my guard down. I was mad at myself for not being more cautious. I was mad at myself for ignoring some red flags I noticed. I was mad at myself. I quickly realized that I need to go back to treating every single person like a suspect, and to never let my guard down again. I quietly cleaned out my IG, Facebook by blocking. I even left the run club. I had enough of people pretending. I had enough of being falsely welcomed. I had enough of the jealously. I had enough of it all. It was all drama. I hate drama.

Apparently, That wasn’t  enough for them. They went as far as to constantly leaving racist remarks on my instagram, on my blog, and on my facebook. I blocked them all. They continued to create fake accounts just to continue to leave their racist, hatred messages. At this point I had enough. I was sick and tired of it. I will take being abused by immature people again and again. One of those people even attempted to say hello to me. I turned my back to her. I do not tolerate that kind of behavior, when I turned my back to that person, it is not only a sign of disrespect, it is a sign that, that particular person is not welcome.

On my blog they were calling me a white trash whore, I don’t look Hawaiian, I should head back to the trailer park and suck on a redneck dick like the redneck that I am. Those are just some of the messages I received. Even strangers were leaving racist keep-calm-and-no-more-racism.jpgmessages on my IG. I immediately reported them to IG and labeled it as racist remark. When IG contacted me asking me if I wanted to press charges for online harassment I said “Yes”.  I even report fake accounts who leave me DM’s to IG and to the FBI labeled as internet harassment.

So, how did I handle the racist remarks and online harassment on my blog? Well, the great thing about me and having minored in cyber security is that I know all messages sent to me has an IP address attached. Your IP Address is something you cannot mask. I sent all the messages, comments, and IP Addresses to the FBI. I had even done the leg work and discovered who the IP addresses were registered to. After all, its all public record now. I won’t say who, but I know who it is.

Obviously, they were just listing all the stereotypes which is what racist people do, but it doesn’t get under my skin. It showed me how small minded they were. I really must have been getting to them, even almost two years of no contact.

Even at the annual gathering of all the run clubs in Los Angeles I had one person literally Inspiring motivation quote with text Haters Do Not Hate You They Hate Themselves Cause You Are a Reflection Of What They Wish To Be. Vector typography poster and t-shirttry to make me feel like shit. This person gave me dirty looks, talked behind my back and tried to make me feel unwelcome. When I walked up to claim a prize I had won, she looked to her friend and said “you do it. I don’t want to be anywhere near her”.  Seriously? Excuse my language but this person was such a coward for acting so childish. I just let her be. When I was introducing my friends to run clubs, one of the run club owners was rude, and acting like I didn’t exist. This person never even met me. This person doesn’t know me. That is when I made the decision that I would no longer support any of those run clubs that were at the annual gathering. NEVER.

Ive even had one person tell me I’m not a real runner because I don’t run at Silver Lake Reservoir. I’ve run around Echo Park lake for three years and because I run at Echo Park, I’m not a real runner. I ended up blocking this person who, unfortunately, is a United States Marine. I cannot believe he wears the same uniform my Dad did. This person soiled the uniform by being a bully and trying to bring me down.

When it was all said and done, I had a moment to reflect. At first, all I could think about was how I should have never come out of my shell. I should have never let people into my life. This taught me valuable lessons.

In fact, they are all childish. I’m so much better that. I don’t have time for people’s insecurities. I don’t have time for them to act like drama queens. I don’t have time for them. I am better than them. They are not good enough, and they are strong enough to be in life.

I get asked from time to time if I will ever come back and run with a particular run club. Inspiring motivation quote with text They Hate Me Because It Is Easier Than Beating Me. Vector typography poster and t-shirt design concept.My answer is always “no”. I cannot support any person and/or run club who supports people like that. By doing so that is promoting and encouraging bullies. By doing so that is promoting and encouraging racism. By doing so that is promoting and encouraging hatred. By doing so that is promoting and encouraging those people to harass other. By doing so that is promoting and encouraging everything that I stand against. By doing so that is promoting and encouraging what they did to me is allowed, even tolerated.

I cannot do it. I will never go back. It’s time for me to continue to allow my star to shine without ill attempts to tarnish it. Why share this in my new life? Well, I proved how quickly I recovered. I proved how I realized that they are not good enough for me. I took necessary actions to keep them out of my life. I showed people by my actions to their face that their company is not welcome. I showed people by 16642d8dc962653636fba270b55d84cdmy actions to their face that they are not welcome in my life. I didn’t hide. I didn’t runaway. I didn’t create fake accounts to continue to make ill attempts to get under my skin. I proved I am so much stronger than I was (when my ex’s were abusing me). I proved I am a better human being then they will ever be. I proved that they are not good enough for me. No one was able to break me. No one destroyed me.

I am proud of myself. Even as I write this I still get messages from fake IG and fake FB accounts leaving me racist messages; messages filled with hatred and jealously. I will continue to be me. I will continue to support others. To those people who leave me racist messages filled with your hatred; Thank you for being my biggest fan. You just keep on hating me. I will continue to do what I do best. I will continue to be myself; strong, and proud. 

I will never let anyone into my life any time soon. Their place in my life is now earned. My trust is earned. Everyone is treated as a suspect now. I stay in my shell unless I’m around those I trust. That’s life; that’s my life. I am too important. I not allow myself to go backwards, like I did (as mentioned above) before. I have to make sure I continue moving froward.

 

 

 

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