Well, I believe it is technically week two (2) of being safer at home, especially since everything closed. but it feels like six (6) months so far. All I have been doing is sleeping for about two (10) hours again including having nightmares all night long, and finding the motivation to get things done like school, exercise. I have been reporting to work only when I am required to because I am considered an essential employee.
I never would have thought that I’d see a pandemic in my lifetime. So far, I am not ok, but I do feel like I am getting better. Slowly. Slowly I am getting better. Not being able to go out unless it’s for essential things (grocery shopping, gas station, exercise, work) makes me feel like I am a prisoner in my own home. This feeling of course is a trigger for me.
In the past, I was not allowed to go outside not even to hang out with friends. I couldn’t go shopping, I couldn’t go out for a walk, I couldn’t go to the gym, etc. My time was spent waiting on my abuser. Even though I have been free from my abuse (ex-husband) for eight (8) years now, this situation is bringing back all those horrible feelings and situations.
I know this is the real reason why I am not ok with the “safer at home” semi-quarantine that is happening. Also, during this semi-quarantine I have found other triggers that I am dealing with at the same time. It has been very difficult for me to function on days, and some days I don’t feel like waking up at all. All I have been doing is focusing on getting a head in my classes. I know it will lessen my stress, give me more time to workout at home, relax, decompress, and be my mellow self.
Going on week three……